


Not Right, Not Okay

by staccato_ramble



Category: Glee
Genre: Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staccato_ramble/pseuds/staccato_ramble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine hating himself is nothing new, but the hooking up is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Right, Not Okay

There is a mouth on his jaw and a hand sneaking into his pants and even as he arches into the touch with a moan, Blaine hates himself.

This isn't the first time in his life that he's hated himself, but it the most recent and all-encompassing. The fact that it started over a couple of facebook messages makes it even worse. What's going on right now wouldn't have meant anything in the long run, but as he thinks back to Scandals and how Eli said that friending Blaine was the best decision of his life...well, Blaine had drowned the cheap taste in his mouth with club soda, as if he was trying to wash out a stain.

Above him, Eli stills and pulls his hand back. He's not the bad guy here, really. Despite the fact that his chest is heaving and his mouth is swollen pink from kissing as much of Blaine as possible, he still sounds gentle when he asks, "Do you want to stop?"

Blaine sucks in a deep breath, jolting back into his body from wherever he was. For two months now, he has not been touched by another human being. His friends joke about corrupting his prep school ways and, with his parents, physical affection stopped around the time he hit puberty. It's not that he's blaming anyone, but Blaine is _starved_ for touch, because maybe then he'll stop feeling so hollow and alone all the time.

He doesn't need a mirror to know that his smile is weak, but Blaine still makes the attempt. He wraps a hand around Eli's wrist, stroking his thumb over where the other boy's pulse still pounds like a rabbit's. Eli does not melt the way Kurt would have, just rolls further back with the first hints of concern in his eyes. "Listen, you're insanely hot but I don't want to do anything that you don't want to."

Something hot sears inside Blaine's chest, all the way down to his cock. That's another something he's missed in the time since Kurt has gone to New York: feeling like he's truly wanted. And it's not just about sex either. To make it so your whole life revolves around another person only to have him leave...well, Blaine shoves that thought back down into the raw, aching parts of himself. Everything happens for a reason and it can't just be a random act of a universe that Eli came to him when he was having all these doubts, right?

"I want to," Blaine says, leaning in for a kiss. It's languid and dirty, an unfamiliar tongue slipping into his mouth to explore. Eli buries a hand into his hair, not worrying over the fact that it'll rub away all the gel. Feeling bold and just a little bit sexy, Blaine starts to fumble with the buttons of Eli's shirt until he can slide it down the other boy's shoulder. He drags his mouth from lips to neck, sucking a bruise onto the collarbone. It's a familiar move, even if the moan it elicits is strange, too deep and raw.

Blaine drags his hands down, trying to learn all the planes and angles of Eli's chest. This whole thing has been an experiment in flying blind, because all the other times he's had sex, it had been with a body that he knew as well as his own. A spark of excitement runs through him because of the newness of it all, followed by a wave a guilt. To squelch it, Blaine focuses instead on one of the things he does best: pleasing other people.

When he makes it down to Eli's boxers, Blaine only hesitates a moment, pressing a kiss to the bit of hipbone and looking up with wide eyes. Adam's apple bobbing, Eli nods and grabs a condom off of his bedside table. He's also the one to roll it on, while Blaine shifts into a more comfortable position between Eli's legs, unsure if he's supposed to be helping or not. There's no real time to worry about hook up etiquette though, because Eli already has his eyes sliding shut when Blaine takes him into his mouth.

The latex tastes weird at first, a distant memory from the first couple times Blaine gave head before the condoms were discarded. He wonders if Eli's cock would taste different, because the weight of it certainly is, heavy on his tongue in ways that Blaine isn't used to. It's not unpleasant though, and when Eli grabs a fistful of his hair, Blaine groans and snaps his hips against the mattress.

It doesn't last long, Eli coming in his mouth as Blaine keeps rutting into the bed. By the time he's finished, Eli has tied off the condom and left the room, saying that he'll be back with washcloths. Alone in the room, Blaine breathing slows and the buzz of orgasm fades quickly. Without meaning to, he lets out a croak of, "Kurt", because that's the only person he's thinking about now.

Despite the fact that his legs still feel weak, Blaine stands so he can start looking for his underwear. Tears are stinging his eyes and his throat feels like it's swelling shut and he reeks of another boy's sweat and _everything is wrong_. He's back to hating himself and lonelier than ever, but as he abandons all hope of finding his socks, Blaine knows that he has to go to New York.


End file.
